Fifty One Ways to Annoy Atem
by Kohaku no Hime
Summary: Title says all. No pairings, non-bashing. Edited 06/2012 to meet FFN guidelines.


_You've all seen this before, but in light of the recent crackdown by FFN admins I've decided to edit this series of fics so that they don't have numbers. I've also combined a couple that were similar in nature to save on space. There are some new ones in here that I've added after going over them. _

_...Yes, this author's note is the exact same one you'll now be seeing through all of the "Fifty One Ways to Annoy..." series._

_This fic is not meant to be bashing the character involved in any shape of fashion. Please don't construe this fic to mean that I dislike the character involved._

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**Fifty One Ways to Annoy Atem:**

Sneak into his bedroom late at night and put a stuffed pink bunny rabbit next to him. Be sure to take pictures, and then post them on the Internet.

Replace his hair gel with super glue.

Take him to the Egyptian exhibit at the museum and tell him that the mummies he's looking at are the bodies of the Millennium Priests.

Repeatedly ask what the heart of the cards is, no matter what he may say.

Steal the Millennium Puzzle and replace it with a papier-mâché copy of it (use tape to give it that extra shiny look).

Whenever he's done lecturing on why we are bound to whatever destiny decides, snigger and say, "You make Joey seem intelligent when you talk like that!"

Try making a bird's nest in his hair.

Ask him loudly if he wears make up—then ask if he gets it from Mai.

Ask him if his hair comes off and if it comes in different sizes.

Repeatedly call him a bipolar porcupine head.

Arrange for every single Atem fangirl to show up on his birthday. Make sure they are the kind that strips off clothes for souvenirs.

Ask him to play Dance Dance Revolution. If he refuses, call him a coward. That'll get him going.

Follow him around all day singing "Walk like an Egyptian" until he threatens to send your mind to the Shadow Realm. When he does that, switch to "King Tut".

Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you.

Try to see if you can make shish-kabobs out of his hair.

Make fun of his size.

Ask him about the skirt he was wearing in the Egyptian arc…or, if you want to really have fun, repeatedly call him a cross dresser.

Whenever he's in the middle of a duel, tell him that the heart of the cards just had a heart attack.

Put his hand in warm water while he's sleeping.

Drop ice cubes down the back of his shirt whenever he sits down.

Shave his head, then start playing tic-tac-toe on it.

Switch out his deck for Joey's. Don't tell him, however—let him find out on his own.

Borrow Kaiba's holographic technology and use it to project a life size hologram of Zorc Necrophades.

Tell him that squirrels and purple monkeys will take over the world. See how Atem reacts to this bit of randomness.

Laugh at him in general.

Ask him why he thought it was a great idea to let himself get struck by lightning when he was little and claim that that's the only logical explanation for his whacked out hairstyle.

Make a comment about how his tan's fake and see if he freaks out.

Get him a black greyhound and name it Anubis.

Drug his food, then sneak into his room and dress him up as Dartz, Bakura, Yami Marik or as any of the various antagonists that he's fought.

Whenever he's surfing the Internet, look scandalized and shout as loud as you can, "Pharaoh, you naughty thing you!" Make sure you're in a public place.

Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

Whenever he's talking stand behind him and make the silliest faces you can manage. Mimicking him is an added bonus, and even more kudo points if he doesn't realize you're doing it.

Ask him why it is that he has a stupid furball for a companion instead of a cool dragon like Kaiba.

See how many rounds of "Henry the Eighth" he can take before he tries to banish you to the Shadow Realm. When he comes at you, however, look disappointed and say, "I was betting on you not blowing up. Now thanks to you I have to actually hand over your Dark Magician to the creditors…mind autographing it to give it extra value?"

You have a younger sister/cousin who's a fan of fairies? Great! Dress Atem up as a fairy prince, complete with glittery wings, and take him to your sister's/cousin's birthday party.

Replace the god cards with badly drawn copies. Deny any knowledge of where they are, but if pushed to it claim Bakura took them.

Buy a bunch of pigeons that are specially trained to perch on his head, then sic them on him and shout dramatically, "Fly my pretties, fly, fly!"

When he threatens to send your mind to the shadow realm, throw a bucket of flesh-colored water on him and scream that his face is melting. It will hopefully keep him occupied long enough for you to run away.

Get a cattle prod and shock him when he's acting all serious…actually, just prod him in general.

Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy. Pester him for a going-away present and insist it has to be Yugi's grandfather's BEWD card.

Continuously say "It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DUEL," and refuse to stop until he admits that Kaiba's better.

When he threatens to crush your mind if you continue to do the above suggestion, arrange for every cell phone in the immediate area to have "It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DUEL" as their ringtones.

Sneak up on him while he's asleep and set an air horn off next to his ear.

Lock him in the same room as any Yu-Gi-Oh! villain.

Make him watch any alien movie you want, then tell him that the aliens are at the nearest amusement park disguised as the mascots. Watch and laugh as he sends the poor mascots mind's to the shadow realm.

Handcuff him to Kaiba.

When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh dramatically and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month.


End file.
